March 11, 2008
NY Governor Spitzer: There's Something In The Water
Albany, NY -- Concerns about the nation's drinking water quality took on grave overtones following New York Governor
Eliot Spitzer's revelation that his recent marital infidelities were due to consumption of tap water contaminated by
prescription drugs.
Governor Spitzer held a hastily assembled news conference Monday during which he explained his difficulties and
suggested that his judgment may have been impaired.
"I thought I was doing myself a favor by drinking lots of water," the health-conscious Governor told reporters, "but it
turns out that the favors were performed by someone else."
Emerging reports allege trace amounts of over-the-counter medications are now appearing in municipal water systems.
Generally accepted purification methods remove the majority of biological contaminants but do not filter drugs that
have passed into recyclable wastewater.
According to Governor Spitzer, massive amounts of Valium, testosterone, and Viagra are present in the Statehouse
water supply. Tests are now underway to determine if these chemical components are connected to the Governor's
embarrassing obsessions with calling 1-900 sex hotlines, freeze-framing Jessica Alba DVDs, and his endless hours
surfing the Internet for images of teenage pole-vaulter Allison Stokke.
As recently as February of this year, Governor Spitzer—a former State Attorney General—prepared to leave Albany on
a trip to New York City by announcing to his staff, "I'm off to the fleshpots, bitches!"
The public's outrage about governance gone awry appears to have, at least for the moment, overshadowed its issues
with water quality.
"It's about fairness," said Rochester, NY citizens' rights activist Arlene Grammar. "We have a problem with a politician
paying call girls $5,500 per hour for the same thing he's doing to taxpayers for free."
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Posted by Michael Grant Smith on March 11, 2008 at 07:04 AM in Business, Crime, Current Affairs, Food and Drink,
Government, Health, Michael Grant Smith, News, Politics | Permalink